I'll get the bags. You just... you just deal with dad..... A conversation sometimes had when dealing with the elderly. But not in my case. In my case it was the words of a 13 year old, and the subject was me.
For the next two weeks I am an invalid. I cant bend over to put on socks or shoes, I can't lift more than a milk jug. The milk jug is a funny one. It makes me second guess everything around me. It also limits me and makes me work around those limitations.
For instance, the wife knows I like toast in the morning. But by the time I get up she will be gone to work.
"How will you have toast without margarine?" She asks.
The margarine container is a big bulk thing that we are both sure weighs more than a milk jug.
"I'll just scoop it out of the container while its still in the fridge" was my witty reply.
"But you can't bend over that far".... True. No bending or stretching allowed.
At this point I mumble that I'll figure it out. In my head though I'm screaming at her to just put the fucking margarine on a higher shelf of the fucking fridge. But after only 3 days of this I'm already past giving the simple orders that would make my life easier. And I know that I will figure out how to get my margarine, or I'll do without.
And see, the thing that pisses me off is that I think these limitations are bullshit. I mean sure I know I have to be carefull. I can't risk ripping out the stitches along my spine, or the very worse, an infection. But I feel that the limitations placed on me are more of r someone totally incapacitated from their injury. I wasn't. I battled through the pain and kept myself in as good a shape as I could. The surgeon called it high pain tolerance, but whatever. The result is that my back is strong and only my leg is weak. To strengthen it I need to move it.
But for now I sit in this house and rot. Probably only getting weaker instead of the opposite. Hell I didn't even get out of bed to pee until noon today. Some recovery this is.
These guys suck. So does their team
I don't think that chick is wearing underwear
YUUUUPP That dude sounds like the dude on storage wars
I like Barry. Nice and eccentric.
I dont think its a steam punk motorbike just because it has a teardrop shell
Why am I curling with old people? They can't sweep worth shit.
I think my team is the only one not drinking. DAMMIT!
Is it too pretencious to put my hand behind my back?
No. But it feels retarded
That team really sucks. They need a coach. They need me as their coach. Wait, I can't stand their parents.
That girls boobs almost come out of her shirt when she sweeps. Too bad she's 350. Its like a traffic accident, I can't look away.
Why is that bearded guy staring at me? Oops, it might have been his daughters ass I was checking out.
I think shes wearing long johns.
Probably cuz I'm wearing long johns.
This guy talks like a pro. Throws like a girl, but talks like a pro.
Why are they questioning my double rye? I don't question their corona.
I wonder if any of these rich people are hiring.
My arms are gonna hate me in the morning. My legs are hating me now.
How can a guys ya and no sound so much the same?
my team needs more hot chicks.
my team needs ALL hot chicks.
Except then they would all be at the other end.
My opposition needs all hot chicks
My least favourite winter thing is sweaters. Let those puppies out!
I woke up this morning and decided to buy a castle in Europe. I went online and was plesantly surprised that you can buy a castle for under a million. I guess there is something good about the economic downturn. But I also learned something else. My definition of a castle and europes definition is not the same. Sure there were some actual castles. You know, built of brick and towers and parapets. but some were just houses. C'mon france, get with it.
My wife won't let me buy a castle. Ya ya, I know I'm whipped. She doesn't even like me investing in small business gambles that could actually make me money. So I'm not even gonna tell her about the cattle that may show up at the yard next spring. It will be my little surprise.
Here in the North we are in our transition phase. It isn't winter and it isn't fall. Just some frozen mud puddle inbetween. But thats ok. Its hockey season and that is now my focus. 5 out of 7 days spent at the rink. Kids are gonna kick butt this year.
Today is one of those days. The kind of day that I will never have again.
You see... and I'll probably lose half my audience right here (haha what audience?)... I'm a hunter. And today I was out looking for that elusive buck. I didn't see him. Heck, I barely saw any deer. And still this will end up being one of my greatest hunts of my life.
You see, the lack of animals had made me travel further than normal. Way past any place I had gone before. There I was sitting at the intersection of two cutlines. North, South East and West I could see forever down those lines. It was at this point that I considered calling it a day. And then it happened.
A creature came out onto the cutline in front of me. Was it a deer? no.. not a moose... Holy fuck its a caribou! They are listed as endangered and I have never seen one in my life. I didn't move a muscle. And soon... A once in a lifetime event. A whole herd of these beautiful creatures came out from every direction. Like they were coming to see little old me. While I was the one in awe of them. There were little ones, cows... I think the females are called cows and then bulls. a little guy and a friggin MONSTER of a bull.
They ate they played they fought. And I sat still in the middle of it. Not daring to move a muscle lest I shatter this perfect image. I sat there till they decided to move on. Back into the bush and all was like they have never been there.
The only ting that could have made it better would have been if dad or my kids could have been there too. A chance of a lifetime is best shared with people close to you.
So lately I've been kinda pissed at myself for not writing much. And its true. I haven't posted many stories or blogs in the last year.
But last night as I was reviewing my day in my mind like I always do, I had a revelation. I am still writing. I am still blogging and telling my stories. Unfortunately not all of you are witness to them.
You see, EP is a very fluid thing to me. Sometimes I'm really into the stories, or into the confessions. Sometimes I focus on the pervy side of the site, sometimes I go to the clean side. Same with my circle. Its always changing. Older, younger, pervy, or those in need of help.
And so it has gone with my writing. I still do it, but now its all in PM's. The site for me is more about personal contact. A more intimate sharing of my life. Details focused more towards the person receiving the PM, instead of speaking to a more general EP audience.
Hopefully this means that I have found whatever it was I was looking for when I came to this site. And with the big picture dealt with I'm focusing more on its parts.
A seasoned veteran of the workforce sat across from me this morning and said those words that make up the title of this blog. Now of course in my head I instantly started to argue. I mean, I think my life is everything. I'm living it after all, and having fun doing so. I have the job, the cash the family. How dare he say life is about nothing?
And so began a 3 hour session. Probably in the long run an important one.
See heres the thing. Nothing exists without confirmation. Two people must agree before something is true. For instance I said I had a life fulfilling job. But truly, I don't even know if I think that, and Steven Jobs would probably not agree at all. So is my job great? who knows?
Same goes for self worth. I think I'm a kick ass asset to my company. I know I am... But am I? If someone above me doesn't agree, then it doesn't matter. I stay where I am. Thats what happened at my last job. I plateaued. I reached a level at which I could no longer convince those above me that my worth was a level above where I was. The job soon became stagnant and I felt reduced to nothing. And I was reduced to nothing. My health went down hill, I backed away from everything including EP. In truth, my life was about nothing. A black hole that was sucking in myself and the world around me.
And so began the conversation. The way to bring about the understanding of self worth within the company so that it becomes truth. It becomes something. Its important to me because I like it here. And I want to be happy here. And as long as I can keep myself from being reduced to nothing I will be.
What came out of it was recognizing character types. Most importantly my own. I learned allot about how my interactions with different personality types will affect the future. About how to become a ally to those above me so they see me as an asset, and not a competitor. I help them climb the ladder, and as an asset I get to go up too.
Normally I would be a bull. I was at the last couple places because I knew my worth, and important people had a conception of my worth. Here, I'm the new guy. Bottom of the barrel. It will take time for me to build that here. Its a process that I can nudge, but I cannot force. But once the ball gets rolling, watch out.
My mood: pretty entertained
I wonder what it is that ties us to the music of our generation. Every generation does it. They complain about the music of today, and long for the music of their youth.
I'm the same way but to a lesser degree. I am quite open to the music of today. For me its the music before my generation I can't stand. My teens and college years were in the 90's. I love 90's music. The grunge era. Nirvana, Green day, stuff like that.
The 80's? Worst shit ever. Every song has a guitar solo longer than the song itself. The bands were all long haired trannies.
Ya. I know there is no caps in the title. The reason is, the easiest way to do all caps rage is to use capslock. And anybody who knows me, knows I fucking hate that lil button for all its worth.
I was driving home from work yesterday... the first time. not the middle of the night call in. And part way through the trip I realized something. My deathgrip on the steering wheel. I was white knuckled two fists of fury going down the highway. I was also going about 40 over the speed limit. Totally out of control. Not that the vehicle was out of control, but the normal me wasn't driving. My anger at the day was.
I slowed down a bit, cranked the tunes, and took myself off auto pilot.
Its funny how emotion like that can build. There was no moment when I became angry. It happened over time. It peaked when I was literally shaking as I chewed out the final dumbass of the day. And then the trip home.
Today was much better. Maybe the callout, the no sleep.. maybe I just didn't have enough energy to be mad anymore. Or maybe it was just that moment when I realized how mad I was. And how that isn't me.
Whatever it was my day today ws the complete opposite. Work was good, supper was good... even with the flamingo waitress.
Maybe yesterday was so bad because my negative mood attracted negative energy and it all stacked up on itself. Todays positive outlook did the same, with positive results. I think thats Karma or something.
There is a lesson here folks. The lesson is: If you work for me, don't be a dumbass. You'll get me a speeding ticket, and karma will kick you in the nuts...
Or something like that.
Is perfect. I have to drive 100km's at 6am just to get there, but I don't care. Dodging deer is part of the fun. I am busy as fukk and have a steep learning curve ahead of me, and its perfect.
I liked my last job, but it wasn't good for me. It was rotting me from the inside out. Turning my brain to mush. And my body to chub.
This one challenges me in all the ways I wanted. Best carreer move ever
Wow. A whole year has gone by since I wrote this:
It never happened. I got totally fucked over by a fire and other things and I never ended up changing jobs. Till today. Today I said yes. Tomorrow we work out the details. Two weeks from now I jump ship.
I still don't know what is going to happen with myself and EP. But whatever it is, it won't be goodbye. So over the next while, if you wonder to your self "Whatever happened to that Fireguy?" Don't worry. I'll be back, or maybe things wont change and I'll be here every day.
Its probably the best thing about this move. I don't know whats going to happen tomorrow. This place has gotten stale. There is no excitement or wonder. It kills me inside to drag my ass here for another 12 hours of the same. Even getting called to a blaze at 3am did nothing for me.
And so I needed a change. A change a year in the making. And hopefully the butterflies I'm feeling bridge the gap to the rest of my life, and I can persue it with this new found wonder also.
Today I lost a cicle member. She didn't say goodbye. She didn't say she was leaving. But...
I knew I was losing her as a circle member. She didn't say it, but I knew. I knew because I confronted her with truths. Truths she needed to hear. Truths backed up with data and examples and way too much logic and reason for her to stay.
It was tough to do. She was a young sexual being. Living in a world not like my own. We never flirted, there was nothing sexual between us. The tales she would tell of things going on in this world that I will never be a part of. Fascinating.
Fascinating, but dangerous. In a few short weeks she was losing herself. She was becoming this other being. One of pure lust and desire. Again normally I wouldn't complain, but you see, its like drinking. Its the difference between having a few drinks on the weekend to forget the work week, and taking a break from the drinking to do work.
She wanted my opinion on a confession directed to her. One warning her of the path she was on. I read it, and agreed. I went so far as to liken it to a cult. She went on the defense, listing off the real world status of its members. Local celebrities, health professionals. I countered with examples of celebrities that have been caught up in cults before...
Gone. She is gone and all her emails with her. The whole group of them left in what could possibly be the fastest account deletions in the history of EP. Gone because I tried to make her see reason. A subjective eye on this fantasy world she was in.
Part of me wishes I had stayed quiet. At least then I knew she was ok. But what kind of friend could I be if I saw what was happening and kept my mouth shut? I used strong words. Words that will not leave her mind soon. And I hope in the back of her mind I have planted the smallest seed of doubt.
But probably not. Cults don't leave much room for individual ideas to grow.
I want to paint. I want artists blood. But I have never tried. I've come close. I bought the paint, the brushes. the canvas. And they are still somewhere in storage since 2006.
I think part of the problem is that I don't know how to start. I don't know the rules. Forget the brush tecniques, that is later. I don't even know if the background needs to be painted first to make a ba
Sad thing is, I think for the first time I know what I want to paint. I have the visions of finished projects in my head. Just wish I knew how to make them reality.
I went online to look. Its all boring tutorials. Like the bob guy from tv. If I wanted to have a poplar tree and a lake with little puffy clouds, I would go to them. I'm a little more abstract than that.
And I can't draw. In my mind that holds me back, but at the same time I'm told that painting and drawing are totally different. I think those people lie.
I just spent... I don't know. Too much time anyway, on a total strangers profile. This wasn't a potential circle member, this wasn't a person known to the people in my circle, this wasn't some young hotbody telling tales of lust with pictures of their hotness all on display.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing all that stuff too...
No the last hour was a portion of some strangers life dissected. Someone who hasn't been here since January of last year. It started in in her stories. A promising future, a love of her life. This girl had it all figured out. She was happy, life was good... But then she stopped writing. I never got to see if everything turned out as she had planned. So I went to her blog and there was the next chapter of her life. I was shocked. Ok, I wasn't shocked. Her fairy tale crashed. Its kind of sad really, because part of the reason she had stopped writing stories was the comments she was getting. Nobody embraced her vision of the future. They all warned her that she was setting herself up for failure and she hated that. But they were right.
Now the other thing I like is that when you go to someones blog you see the most current. You see the results of all the previous blogs. So the first one I read was her life of total destruction. Her fairytale stories had turned into blogs of hate, revenge, sex, drugs, and boys. She was angry, alienated, vindictive. Step by step, blog by blog I got to go back and see how her life progressed to the now. The simple little errors that made life hell as they built up over time.
And that is why I'm here. I get to see peoples life as it plays out. I like to see the results and how people got to be who they are. The very first day I spent on EP back in 2009 was the same. I remember the profile and the soap opera that her life became. I was hooked then, and I'm still hooked now.
For this place. Pure as the driven snow compared to you people. How so? I'll tell ya.
Since Christmas. Earlier than that, but I had to pick a day and thats what I picked, I've been closely watching the "I want to Improve Experience Project" group. And 90% of the stories complain about the influx of adult material. How it bombards them everywhere they go. How it is a plague sweeping across the EP universe.
Well I'm vaccinated. I must be. Because I don't see it. Ok I see it, but only if I go looking for it. Nowhere in my daily travels do I come across the horrors of EP... Unless I follow Bleed or Benis. But even that doesn't count, because I KNOW if I follow them I'll find the good stuff.
So how are you people being bombarded with this stuff? How is it destroying your EP experience, when it doesn't even come into my peripheral unless I want it to? What perverse groups are you into that you find this stuff all the time? And why are you so shocked to find shit in the sewers in which you dwell?
How many of these "Oh my poor virgin eyes!" stories would be in that group if the people didn't purposely go looking for it?
Sorry Epeeps, but it just reminds me of old cronies going out and snooping around to try and find others faults instead of fixing their own.
No. I'm not changing mine.
I do however see members of my circle change names like I change socks. And it puzzles me. See, my name is my identity. Its who I am. I am not bobbylikesbiscuits, or 2thugcrew, I am Firegod74.
Is it wrong that I get so attached to a name? Or to go further a profile pic? Does it say something about me? Steadfast, predictable...or more negatively... predictable, unwilling to change and adapt.
Name changes of circle members don't bother me specifically. I'm sure that the people that change them do so because they themselves are changing, or desire names that represent how they feel that day. That is fair enough, and I understand.
But folks, please remember that When I come online I look for you. Name changes sometimes mean it takes a while to find you. I think its important, because sometimes when you are feeling alone and neglected, its because you are hiding from us in plain sight.
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Ever wonder how many things we miss. I mean the things that are there that we miss because we aren't paying attention. Last night I left work. Happy to be going home. 7 miles down the road I had this feeling I forgot to lock one door. So I turned around.
I work in the middle of nowhere. Really nowhere. I'm not talking about remoter parts of Canada or anything. I mean the place I work is 7 limes off the pavement. 7 miles from the nearest streetlight.
So when I turned around, I expected to see nothing but the dark. And the lonely road that would take me back to the cold dark plant. Instead I saw the light. I'm not talking an epiphany I mean the Northern lights. High in the sky to the east. More colorful than normal and moving fast. They come, they go they swirl and fade. I called home so the kids could see. They were that good.
It was one of those things. If I didn't have to turn around, I would never have known they were there. By the time I turned North they were high above me, my visor blocking them. If not for the inconvenience of having to go back. I would have missed them all together.
Ever walk by a deer and spook it? You jump because you never saw it in the first place? Then wonder how many you had already walked by? I'm having one of those kind of weeks.
We have a friend that has hit on hard times. I almost want to offer her a place to stay till she gets back on her feet... But ummm, lets just say that way in the past there were relations between her and I, her and the gf, her me and the gf.... that really need to stay in the past. In our house could very likely turn into in our bed. I don't need that and neither does the family. So as much as we would like to help her more, we must limit it to rides and stuff. We support her when she stays clean, and give tough love when she falls off the wagon. Its all we can do.
6 months ago I was ready to change jobs but things fell through. Now I'm getting offers and I don't really want to leave. Whats up with that?
My friend and his gf both lost siblings in the same month. Its really hard to help them through it. I haven't offered much in the way of sympathy. They are getting enough of that. I'm just trying to stay normal. That way when they are ready to come back to normal they can join me.
I want a cat. For no reason. I have a cat. I also have 2 dogs 2 lizards and 2 frogs. I want a kitten though. Thats a bad idea.
Two Broke Girls is dumb. It has no flow. But the one liners that they throw back and forth make me watch all the time. I'm hooked.
Thats all for now.
An old mother dies.
Her intentions fall to the floor…..
This totally is the perfect song for this blog because… Wait. First let me say that I fluked out with the title. It was almost Boom Boom Boom Boom, I want you in my room…. Then the storm before me flashed again BOOOOM! And my internal jukebox skipped to Boom Boom, shaka laka laka boom! But that was retarded. I mean, who walks a dinosaur anyway? I mean forget the whole extinct thing. It’s a lizard. Ever try to walk one of those? Well I have. It sucks. Lizards do not fetch. They do not heel. They stay. That’s right. They sit their ass on the sidewalk and lick stuff, with the expectation that next time the pebble will taste edible. It never does.
Luckily the next flash of lightning was not a boom. It was a crash. A cacophony of earths power. 4, 5… I don’t know how many fingers of electricity lighting up the sky. The crackle not that different than a mouthful of pop rocks. Just amplified a ton.
I love storms. Big ones, small ones, Crazy ones that flood my river over its banks and tries to steal my hammock stand. This was the best kind though. A compressed storm of dark clouds and lightening contrasting to the perfect blue sky around it. Slowly moving towards me like impending doom. The air around me still. A false calm before the eventual chaos….
And so my real blog begins. My life is summed up in the paragraph above. There is a change a com’in. Small storm big storm… I have no idea. But its coming. I’m changing jobs. Changing fields of work. Changing lifestyle because of it. And probably changing my EP habits. The job will be more dangerous, more exciting than what I do now. It pays more than mine does now. On the down side, I won’t be able to plant my ass at a desk and surf EP all day. EP will no longer be my private playground. My only online time will be shared with family. Family that does not know that EP exists.
So now I have to decide. Do I share EP with them? And yes they will come if they know. Or do I hid it? EP is my diary. My journal where I can yell at the world and it cant yell back. So what happens to that? Do I pretend to be normal? Do I bare my wounds for all to see? I don’t know yet. I’m afraid that a neutered version of me won’t be worth sharing. It might make me disappear all together. We’ll see. Its all a few weeks away. But like the storm above me now, I know change is brewing, I just don’t know its ferocity.
Isn't here >:)
I decided to do a blog, openend the little box and my mind went blank. So you guys get NOTHING!
Ok not nothing. But this will be very free flow and unprepared.
I dreamt last night that PINK gave me wife mind shattering oral sex on a hospital bed. She was under the blankets so I didn't get to watch her technique. But she was good at it. Iwas going to try to duplicate it... but I woke up.
My sis had twins yesterday. One 8 pounds, the other 7 pounds. So all in all she probably lost about 20 pounds yesterday. Another 100 and she may start looking healthy >:)
We had some people come out with coffee yesterday. A coffee for each of them, a coffee for some other dude. They apologised for not thinking about me (in all honesty they didn't know me or know I would be there so its not their fault) I showed them our Cappa/mocha/Chai Tea/bean grinding on the spot uber duber coffeee machine. I really wasn't feeling bad that I wasn't drinking their shit.
6 days till camping. I haven't even checked to see if the boat will start. Oh well, whats the worst that could happen....
Girls here are either becoming more sensible, more racy, or conservative. I never see thongs poking out of jeans anymore. So either they went back to normal unnderwear, or now they are wearing nothing at all. I really wish I could figure out which one without gettting harasement charges.
Thats all I got for now. Well I guess I can add that my mood and life in general seems to be improving. Onward and upward!
Previous PostsBurden I have become., posted December 10th, 2012, 12 comments
Thoughts while Curling, posted November 27th, 2012, 5 comments
Not gonna happen, posted October 20th, 2012, 4 comments
Rarity, posted September 13th, 2012, 3 comments
Stop looking at my hotdog, posted August 23rd, 2012, 1 comment
Life is about nothing, posted August 12th, 2012
Music, posted August 11th, 2012, 2 comments
all caps rage, posted June 3rd, 2012, 8 comments
New Job., posted April 23rd, 2012, 5 comments
Took too long, posted March 29th, 2012, 4 comments
Circle member lost., posted February 28th, 2012, 10 comments
I want art., posted February 22nd, 2012, 9 comments
Why I'm still here., posted February 12th, 2012, 18 comments
I'm Too Good, posted February 5th, 2012, 8 comments
Name change., posted January 24th, 2012, 9 comments
Magpies. ******** of the Bird World, posted November 14th, 2011, 17 comments
Brain dump. for October, posted October 25th, 2011, 18 comments
I've felt this way, but not in a long time. I think I'm due!, posted September 10th, 2011, 9 comments
Lightning Crashes, posted August 12th, 2011, 12 comments
What you all want to see..., posted June 4th, 2011, 10 comments
What helpless feels like, posted May 22nd, 2011, 8 comments
Political ramblings, posted May 1st, 2011, 2 comments
Lonely Comets, posted April 28th, 2011, 6 comments
The thing about road trips., posted April 9th, 2011, 12 comments
Political ramblings, posted April 4th, 2011, 2 comments
Before the sun., posted April 2nd, 2011, 2 comments
I love everybody!!!, posted March 25th, 2011, 4 comments
Why curling is Awesome., posted March 6th, 2011, 14 comments
Work gets in the way., posted March 3rd, 2011, 5 comments
Crazy Vegas., posted February 22nd, 2011, 15 comments
Ice Fishing Part DEUX!, posted February 11th, 2011, 7 comments
Flying Donkeys, posted February 6th, 2011
Tattoo Poll, posted January 30th, 2011, 7 comments
Winter, posted January 29th, 2011, 7 comments
PETA Fools and other activists, posted December 18th, 2010
Fetch, posted December 17th, 2010, 5 comments
Mornings coffee and classical music, posted December 9th, 2010, 6 comments
Inappropriate gifts., posted December 7th, 2010, 7 comments
Not my style, posted December 2nd, 2010
Deleted, posted December 2nd, 2010, 1 comment
Hangovers., posted November 28th, 2010
Awkward moments., posted October 25th, 2010, 1 comment
Our role., posted October 25th, 2010
Tounge, posted October 17th, 2010, 5 comments
Memories, posted October 7th, 2010, 10 comments
Catching up., posted September 29th, 2010
Dog Days, posted August 25th, 2010, 1 comment
Cleansing, posted July 15th, 2010
Been a while, posted June 26th, 2010
Boobquake!, posted April 27th, 2010, 6 comments
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